Take the Lead

The 7 hour drive to Baton Rouge today gave me a chance to really sort through some of my thoughts (and allowed me to go through all 15 cd's in my car!) It was actually kinda perfect because I took a bit of a writing break in Austin and now instead of you guys getting a few scatter brained blogs throughout the week, hopefully this one will cover a lot of the thoughts I had.

The illustration for one of the major things God taught me while in Texas came to me while I was tipsy, dancing with Eddie (my 70yr old creepy dance partner). Some then might question the validity of this spirit work, however I only find that it only solidifies God's BIGGNESS, If he can work in a sauced girl while two-steppin, I know he's capable of it elsewhere.

Anyways, while Eddie was a tad bit inappropriate, maybe just a bit over confident, he was an AMAZING dancer and an even more amazing teacher! I had done the 2 step all of 3 songs when he grabbed me, but dancing with him made it feel SO easy. Not easy in the sense that I put in no work, in fact out of all the dancing I did that night, my time with Eddie required the most effort. But during our last dance together, at the very end, he dipped me so far back that my hair dusted the floor. I popped back up and I couldn't even begin to describe the joy I felt. I imagine its how people in 'Dancing with the Stars' must feel, Everyone's watching and clapping for your performance, which feels amazing, but the most amazing part is having the person who taught you; the master, the expert look at you with pride and affirmation...I felt like I could conquer the world.

There were 3 things that stuck out most clearly in why dancing with Eddie felt so good, and also explained why it required so much of me.

the first thing was that I had to LISTEN!
He would call out phrases and words (dance moves to people who knew the 2-step, but to me, just words). I quickly learned to decipher them. But that meant HEARING them. This task isn't easy in a bar full of rowdy cowboys. It meant focusing; listening and reading his lips.."what is he saying?"

Second, I had to FEEL.
This one's scary (especially when it means you're gettin up close and personal with a stranger) but I had to FEEL the wrong steps to understand why they were wrong and FEEL the right steps to understand why they were right. It would have been so nice if I could have read up on two-steppin, maybe watched a few YouTube videos and gone out and done it perfectly, but we all know thats not how life works. We're afraid to feel (cause well in this case, and in many like it, it means feeling like a complete idiot). But the lows; the embarrassment, the shame, the insecurity...that deep hole they dig also makes room  to house great joy and wonder, contentment and love. That feeling I got at the end, the hair sweeping dip...SO worth me feeling embarrassed for the first few songs. But I had to let Eddie get all up in my grill (I know I know, it sounds gross, you know what I mean though!) The nearer I drew to him, the easier the steps were. Its as if I wasn't even the one taking steps, its like I was simply using his momentum, his energy, his lead...almost like when I was young and would dance on my dads feet....his steps became my steps, both different and the same simultaneously.

This leads to the 3rd aspect...TRUST!
(again, weird to do in the context of creepy old men and I would actually warn against it)  but listening and feeling were only valuable if I trusted and had faith that Eddie was gonna lead me in the right direction. I have to let go completely to do that double spinny thingamajig, and it's scary and I get real dizzy...but I have to trust that by letting me go, he's letting me shine and that he's gonna grab me right back. I have to know that letting me go doesn't mean there's an absence of plan, but rather the fulfilling of a beautiful one.

You may have caught on...I'm no longer talking about Eddie. But do you see how I couldn't help but substitute and liken my time with Eddie to a dance with Jesus.
LISTEN. FEEL. TRUST.
The dance is easier if you're following someone who knows it, AND YET so much harder. (If you're dancing with an expert they are gonna ask for so much more of you).
But that's when the dip, the moments of complete surrender, the moments of utter joy make it all worth it.
It's been a good question to ask myself,  "Kate, who's leading you today?"