Thibodaux

Yesterday Me, Alicia and her boyfriend drove to Thibodaux, one of those cute little southern college towns. Alicia's brother is the offensive line coach at Nicholls State University and they were playing Central Arkansas. (If you haven't been able to tell from some of my posts Alicia's life is surrounded by football; her 2 brothers, dad and boyfriend all coach in some capacity...so needless to say, football has been big during my time here!)

ANYWAYS, after the game we all went to dinner at this mexican joint. We were just chattin when Matt (Alicias brother) saw a friend of his. His friend (Walker) ended up sittin with us for the rest of the night. At one point Alicia, Matt and Chris got into a convo, which left me and Walker just sittin there! Once we got to talkin though, we quickly found common ground on (of course) the city of Jackson. He had been offered a job to coach baseball at JSU (for those of you who don't know, I attended JSU in Jackson Mississippi 3 years ago, it continues to be one of my most favorite (and challenging) times of life).

As we chatted my road trip came up..where have ya been? how long do you stay places? what cities next? He asked the usual questions...but then he said, "so whats the end goal?"
"of this trip?" I clarified
"no...for your life?"

MIND BLOWN! Seems like a question I would have asked myself once or twice before, but I'm not sure I've ever been asked in such a matter of fact way...I felt his question was accompanied by a clarifying clause: don't over complicate or over think it, just a short simple answer. Well, if you know me, you know I'm almost incapable of not over-analyzing things, so for the moment all I could think to say was....ummmm (and just kept on sayin that)!) As I gathered my thoughts I tried to condense almost all of what I've learned in the last 24 years of my life into 1 short sentence.
"end goal...to enjoy God."

Lord knows I couldn't possibly leave it at that so I added a whole bunch of stuff about what it might look like, that for me it has to do with relationships etc...I felt bad for him as I left my body and heard myself speak..he must have wanted to scream "SHUT UP!!!" but he was kind enough to engage and listen.

After I was done word vomiting all over him, I asked him right back..."how would you answer that question." His answer was simple...."happiness."
"I would like that too" I said..."although lately I've been convicted that maybe that shouldn't be the end goal." I'm surprised he didn't leave at this point, not only had I opened my mouth...AGAIN, but I had in a way shot his answer down. But while we dissected this thought, turns out we were on the same page...we decided that happiness might be better substituted with the phrase, full of meaning.

We talked about how happiness is only part of the spectrum. It made me reflect on God's desire for us to have life to the FULL...the full spectrum, 0-100 (which does in fact incorporate the 0) deep sorrow and pain. If we try to isolate the happiness, I think we miss out on what I dare to bet is the more important part of the spectrum. The parts that bring us to our knees, that humble us, that grow us, that force us to trust others with our inner-most selves, the require us to search and seek, that bring out the best and worst of ourselves, the parts that authenticate relationships.

It made me feel better about the parts of this trip (the parts of life) that have been difficult. It doesn't mean I have to like the 0's or even accept them with grace..in fact I've come to terms with the fact that I will probably still kick and scream and pout and bitch, but then, when all that fades and I'm able to just sit in the suckiness of certain situations, I'm simultaneously able to relish in the biggness of it all.

Thanks Walker...best question yet.