So based off my last post you already know Tom and I had some great discussions, one of which Tom reminded and encouraged me "Kate, you engineered this..You CHOSE this!"
I guess somewhere along I kinda forgot that...like this had all kinda just happened to me or something. But he was right...for better or worse, I CHOSE this. He
wasn't pressing me to be prideful or give myself a pat on the
back...but to remember that I am not outside of this journey, it's not
passive. I am the main character.
He
wasn't telling me that my life is in my own hands; to start taking initiative because God won't. He was reminding me that God is in EVERY decision that I make because he GAVE me the chance to make the call. It's never either/or, it's and/with. It's not (and shouldn't be) I'm gonna choose today, God can choose tomorrow. Since he gave me the ability to choose, he's a part of my process by default. For all my sports fans, an analogy: it's like he's throwin me alley-oops so that I can dunk! (and sometimes the roles are reversed and I get to assist) And so yes its true, this way one or the other isn't getting the points attributed to his jersey number...but its a team affair, I sure as hell can't pass to myself! I can't dunk either, but that's beside the point!)
At the end of the day does he have
absolute control? Yes, I believe he does. I believe he could make me choose something whether I wanted it or not. But I believe he so wants us
to search, to seek, to question, to wonder, to learn...that he allows us
the opportunities to do so for ourselves (and in order to do that, and make it really
real, I think it has to be our choice).
In that sense Toms comment was a call to
continue to make the hard choices, to be an active participant in my own
story, to recognize my own importance..not outside of or in spite of Christ, but within his own call. John Stockton may hold the all-time highest assist record in the NBA, but he aint got nothin on Jesus. He's dishin the ball to us left and right. 'you can do what you want with it' He says...'but I was kinda hopin you'd dunk!'
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