DJ CamelToph and DJ CropDustin on the 1's and 2's

As I left Chicago, I also left my heart. It is, and quite possibly will forever be, with 2 men on the North side. Haha!
 Let me just rewind. While in DC at the national prayer breakfast a few weeks back, I was introduced to Topher. He and my friend Chris had mutual friends so we ended up bein stuck in a room together for a bit. During that time he found out I was traveling, so he did what most people that I meet on my trip do (and probably wished they hadn't) and offered me a place to crash in Chicago if I ended up needing it. There wouldn't be much of a story if I hadn't taken him up on the offer, so it seems obviously that I did. Needless to say, this last Monday I drug myself and all my luggage up to his front door..."Mamas Home!!!"

 DJ cameltoph

So here's the thing...Topher's kinda a big deal. He's a super talented DJ that travels around the world for shows. But when he answered the door I felt like a good friend was welcomin me home (so humble). Anyways, then I was immediately introduced to his roommate, Dustin, who is his manager. Coolest guy (with the coolest beard!) and the best taste in books...definitely a kindred spirit.  I'm pretty sure it only took me those first 4.7 seconds to determine that these were some of the most genuinely kind, cool guys I'd interacted with in awhile...and FUNNY, like hilarious. (I kinda annoyed myself at how much I was laughing, but I couldn't help it!)


They got me settled and then we talked for a solid 2 hours in the kitchen. I have always felt like people take in interest in what I'm doing...the trip, the road, the adventure...and don't get me wrong, I so appreciate it. But there seemed to be something different about the way these guys engaged with me...like they liked what I was doing, but they also liked me. and I don't mean that  in an egotistical way....but as a testament to them that I felt cared for and wanted. (and if they didn't like me, then they sure are good at faking it!)

DJ CropDustin

Anyways...we basically lived the dream for 3 days. With their jobs they have a lot of work but fairly flexible schedules so we got to hang out quite a bit. We went to breakfast one morning...good God, I don't think I've had a better pancake in my life (and I'm more of a waffle girl, so that's sayin somethin!) We made Topher Tacos one night...bomb.dot.com! We watched some stand up comedy, took a few naps. One morning me and Dustin were up before Topher and we just sat and read in the living room with our coffee (silence among anyone, let alone a stranger, is a testament to somethin cool, not quite sure what, but it was impressive to me). And we all 3 just did a lot of sitting and talking. [which is when I learned about their DJ names (blog title) which if it went over your head, good for you...you have yet to be corrupted by our crude society! But if it didn't, you can get a sense for their humor (tiny bit inappropriate, but so comical!)]

Our last night we went to one of the clubs Topher DJ's for pretty regularly, Studio Paris, in Downtown Chicago. It was freezing..like literally (maybe 9 degrees) so the club was a little more dead than usual and they kept apologzing. "you should come back in the summer" "it's usually not like this.." Little did they know, I was happy to sit there with them and do absolutely nothing. Funny how when you're with the right people, sitting in an annoyingly loud room, with lights that could prompt a seizure and being surrounded by folks WAY to old to be in the club, turns out to be fun.

Maybe I WAYYYYY misconstrued it and maybe the guys are reading this now goin "YA, she definitely got the wrong idea! She is one pathetic loser!" lol. But I left a piece of my heart there because somewhere along my time with them the host/guest relationship that got me there faded and morphed into something completely different...friendship.
God I love this trip!

Cousin time in Chicago

Flexin at the Bean

I walked into my cousins basement apartment in Chicago to find he and his roommates brewing their own beer...YUP, this is gonna be a good few days!!!
I was right...that first night we got deep dish pizza and me and his roommates played round after round of pop a shot, that arcade type basketball game! (a must have for any bachelor pad!)
The next day my cousin, Jeff, and his girlfriend, Kate, showed me around the city. We went to a great brunch place then saw the bean, the one and only thing on my list of things to see in Chicago (other than Derek Rose) and then we got lunch at a fun little sports bar, where I tried cheese curds for the first time (fried cheese, yes please!)
Me and Kate got some quality girl time in later that night when we left Jeff and went to dinner. I knew I liked her but as we sat and shared about walking through similar struggles I found she was yet another kindred spirit...funny how they really are everywhere!

DEJA VU

After leaving D.C. there was this weird weight lifted...I'm heading home. Although I still have plenty of road to cover before I walk up my front steps, just knowing I'm moving in that direction is comforting. It's something solid and known amidst all the chaos and unknown of the rest of my life. (What am I gonna do once I get there? I have not the faintest idea. but I'll be home.)

Only unnerving part about heading home is that my route back has less connections than my route over. I have very few family members or dear friends in the Midwest, so needless to say I've been worried about how all that will play out. Staying with random connections, while fun and exciting, means I need to be "on."

My first stop after D.C. was Pittsburgh...crazy, cool city...but kinda dark. (I likened it to Gotham city and oddly enough, that's where Batman was filmed!) I have not driven through a city like it. Anyways, I had connections there through a friend and mentor back home, Lina, that had taken it upon herself to get me to Chicago where I have a cousin! As I walked into their home I was like..."shit, this is gonna be weird." Not that they had done anything to make me feel that way but it just felt like I was stumbling into something, ruining the usual routine. And I'll be honest, that feeling stayed there for a solid hour or 2. It finally faded after dinner was cleared and me, Matt and his wife, Betsy, were able to just sit and talk. They looked at me so intently...with genuine care and concern for my trip and where I was at. It could have been that I was stir crazy from the long drive alone but I was all over the place, felt like I was making NO sense but I sat and spewed thoughts,feelings and stories anyway. (I felt like a 4 year old full of great craft ideas, hopped up on sugar...passionate and energized and yet unsure of where or how to start!) They had to think I was nuts, but they sat graciously and offered advice and wisdom where they could. The next night me and their 2 girls sat on my bed and made bracelets, giggling as I tried to get the scoop on their lives (boys, activities etc...) By the end of my time with the family I felt so connected...like I would trust em with my life (somethin about sharin a bathroom gets ya a special bond).

As I left Pittsburgh I began to worry that this last connect was not gonna be the norm. I geared up to have my next stop in Cincinnati be soul wearying. Instead I had deja vu as I walked into a home with an incredible family dynamic, 2 of the sweetest young girls and kind, engaging parents that made me feel right at home. Fred was another connect from Lina. I was nervous because he worked from home so I knew me and him would be home a lot together. Should I stay outta his hair? Do I try and engage with him? but he was such a dad,so fatherly...my worries quickly faded. We had so many opportunities to talk about the tough stuff, the hard stuff, the heart stuff...and he didn't shy in challenging me on some things, which I appreciated! But he was also just so funny and full of great stories, so it was fun to just sit and listen. The last night I got to take the girls out for ice cream, so funny (I almost forgot what it felt like to be a pre-teen!) and then we came back and I taught them the best card game on earth (nerts!) My ego took a blow however as the mom caught on faster than most and showed me up on my own game.

Yes, I'm still nervous my "cool" experience tab will run out and one of these days and I'll have to stay with the rudest, cruelest people...maybe they'll lock me in the basement and throw down soggy toast for meals. But so far I've only had the royalty treatment...in accommodations for my body but also for my soul. So I'm feeling good about my mojo, bring it on Midwest!

SO SMALL!

Do you ever just feel SO small? For some reason that phenomena happens to me a lot in the shower, water beating on my face, eyes closed and its like I'm not in my own body, like I don't even have a body...it's rather weird.

Well as I drove to Pittsburgh yesterday I was listening to a song that rustled up some of those same feelings, it said "And I am feeling so small. It was over my head, I know nothing at all." I listened and cried (shocker) because this is the feeling I have had the overwhelming majority of my trip. I guess I expected to go on this adventure, see things, meet people and feel empowered by it. but I have never felt SMALLER! The more I see the more questions I have. The more need I come across the more helpless I feel.

For the longest time it was discouraging and depressing...one of the reasons I wanted to retreat back home. But as I've prayed about it over the last few months and seek counsel I have found something comforting in it all...the reminder that I AM small. Which doesn't seem helpful at first but what it means is that I am inherently a part of something bigger. It takes some of the pressure off; I am not on this world to be alone and fix all the problems myself...I am to band together with others and have our smallness work together to create something bigger and stronger than we all are by ourselves.

I believe God gives me those reminders not to discourage me but to A. make sure pride doesn't get in my way, that my ego isn't getting too big. "NO, kate, you can't end racism alone!" and B. to encourage me "yes kate, you ARE small, but I happen to be big and I am on your side!" I believe those moments I have when I close my eyes and feel like a tiny smurf are gifts from God...it is his way of making me feel like I could very well fit into someone's hands...his hands.

My life on 'U' Street

Me and Donte...first lesson

Member that time I told you guys I was going to get a lesson in frying chicken at Oohh's and Aahh's, that great little spot on 'U' street? Well that dream evolved...and now I have a job there for the week! haha!My first shift was this last Tuesday. I was there for 10 hours but it went by in the blink of an eye. (you know what they say, "time flies when you're learning to fry chicken!") But really, there was so much stimulus all day, I barely noticed that by 10 when we were closing up, I hadn't even eaten dinner. Then I took the late night shifts Friday and Saturday night (10pm-4am...craziness, but we'll get to that!)

I will try to unpack for you some of what I was seeing, hearing, thinking, feeling...but it's one of those experiences that is impossible to re-create or try to articulate and explain. But let's start with the environment. Its a shop tucked between a hair salon and some kinda corner shop, I actually haven't seen whats inside, but if you weren't looking for it, you could very well miss it. 'U' street is known as a lively part of town. The side walks are lined with bars, coffee shops and clubs! Its not the nicest area of DC but it's also not the scariest. When you walk into Oohh's and Aahh's two things happen: 1. you are instantly warmed. All the ovens and stoves create a nice space heater affect. and 2. your nostrils are inundated with the fragrance of what I can only assume heaven will smell like (corn bread, chicken, sweet potatoes, mac'n cheese...yum!)

Next, the customers. It seems like half the people that walk into that shop don't order anything, they just pull a chair up to the counter and start sharin the block's gossip. It's actually kinda cute, Oohh's and Aahh's is like the blocks hub for conversation and relationship...everyone's a neighbor. Other workers from U street are regulars and they trade services and goods for a couple pieces of that beloved chicken. There are a couple "crazies" that pop in regularly (these are the ones I tend to get sucked into talking with) and then a mixture of what you might assume...college students, families and just really really hungry folks! Like 99.9% of the customers were on board with my presence and training there (there was only one woman that had a problem with me and while my first instincts (and her remarks) tell me it was because of the color of my skin, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's just a really loyal customer who was thrown off by the change).

Lastly (this is my favorite part) the employees! There are 4 girls I've worked with...all are beautiful beyond words. Jai is a manager, she's a little bit older, maybe early 30's. She's kind and warm but also completely self suffiecient and strong...a hard combo to come by. Her 20 year old neice, Ti-ti works with her, she's a hard worker and I have yet to hear her complain about a single thing. And then there's Jazmine, she seemed intimidating to me at first, but quickly found that her independent, tough exterior is only a small part of her, she has such a soft center (like those old strawberry candies that old people have that are hard on the outside and soft on the inside!) Lastly, Tammy, she's the owners daughter and beyond Jazmine, I wasn't only intimidated by her, I was legitimately scared, haha! But funny how people surprise you if you let em, within hours we were laughin together and askin about each others lives. These 4 women are the people I tend to run to or holler for when I'm in over my head. They have been so patient and gracious in teaching me all the ins and outs, although there's NO way they haven't all wanted to punch me in the face at one point or another. What seems so second nature to them..like breathing...is like doing long division for me; hard and complicated and requires WAY more time and focus than it should.

The guys are all characters. Donte is another manager. He's around a lot but is also pursuing music (was surprised by the depth of his stuff, little bit of a poet!) and although his life style seems to require that he give off a masculine, intimidating vibe, he actually has a great sense of humor and has a total soft spot. Arrington (think thats how you spell it, lol) is litereally singing 24/7 but it's ok because his voice is like butter! (like if  John Legend and Anthony Hamilton's vocal chords had a baby!) Tariq, I haven't had a ton of time to actually work with him but he's the one that's always checkin in on me, makin sure I'm doin ok...total sweat heart! And Wade. He's one of the mysterious ones...he kinda fits into all categories and yet none of them. He mostly keeps to himself, but when he does open up he's hilarious. he's also smarter than he lets on and one of the most articulate people I've met. And the cooks in the back!!! Gosh these guys are awesome (and SO hard working!!!) I can't give you much more than that though because they all only speak Spanish so communication is limited. But Juan, Wilbur and Manuel are the three I've had the chance to at least try to have a conversation with (which are full of awkward hand gestures and rusty Spanish vocab from high school!) One of the guys, Manuel and I have a special bond. Since we can't communicate we just say eachother's names each time we pass "Manuel!" "Gadtee (he's saying katie, but it sounds more like this!) "Manuel!" "Gadtee" and it goes on like that...it's pretty great! haha!

So that's the environment I've been in for the last few days. It's been SO fun and so valuable but I've found that it's also exhausting to be in a constant state of 'lost' as I scramble around and try to figure out all the intangible parts of the job, the parts that can't be taught or trained. A few cute stories though before this blog turns into a novel. Friday night, during the the first half of my first late night shift, I was on the register. I was a little nervous because I wasn’t completely familiarized with the system and didn’t want to screw anything up, but some of the first customers I was ringing up were the NICEST people in the world (I hate myself for not getting their names!) After chatting for a bit they figured out I was new and wasn’t from the DC and thus, my story was unravelled. And then, one of them open his wallet, pulled out a $20 and put it in my hand, “this is for your trip. I've always wanted to do what you are doing!" UMMMM, what? I was speechless and probably would have cried if I wasn't afraid of people making fun of me! haha.

A couple hours later, around 3, a man sat at the counter and asked that I take his order. I explained that he should head to the end of the counter (at the end of the very long line) and order there to which he replied, “well what if I don’t want to?” I explained that if that was the case I’d be happy to keep him company while he didn’t have food being prepared. He kinda chuckled. He was pretty far gone and each time a new song came on he gave a loud “wooo” and started grooving on his stool. Finally he flashed me some cash and said, "I promise I’ll pay, I just don’t want to wait in line…take my order." Out of pure annoyance, I complied and little by little I handed him food (don’t tell anyone!) and added it to his tab (and yes, he finally payed!) Like I said, at first I was annoyed but then over the course of the next 45 mins, as he tried all the different sides, he’d pull me over every now and then and say something encouraging (maybe he could tell that I was new and had NO freaking idea what I was doing). Before he walked out he reached across the counter and grabbed my hand…Happy Valentines Day sweetie! (If you’re thinking ewww, creepy- you’re wrong, it was actually one of the sweeter things that happened to me all day!)  Plus, he was gay (I only feel ok sharing that because he told me I could) so I know he wasn’t trying to make a move. We kissed on the cheek and he left.

Who the hell were these 3 guys?!? Valentines day superheros…that’s who!!!

Anyways, as you can see my time at Ooh’s and Aahhs is nearly impossible to capture, but has been full of whimsy moments and holy mischief (as Bob Goff would put it!) God continues to reveal himself to me in the funniest ways...through fried chicken and drunk strangers at 4 in the morning! Man oh man, this God guy...what a hoot!

Damn Hawks...

Those that know me know that 50% of the time I am crying for one reason or another!
Ecstatic and excited..crying! sad and depressed..crying! frustrated or angry...crying! overwhelmed and stressed out...crying! I see an old couple crossing the street holding hands...crying! lol!

It's weird because I usually pride myself on being good with words, articulating how I feel, expressing my emotions and yet the majority of the time I believe the reason I cry is because I don't have words. In one of his songs Ben Harper wrote "only tears speak for my heart" and God, that seems to be my life theme song.

But just because I can name it and understand it, doesn't mean it makes it any less awkward to openly weep in public.

Yesterday morning I woke up not feeling 100% (could be the complete lack of activity from the toe nail incident) and then when I posted up at a Starbucks for the afternoon I kept seeing snap chats, instagrams and facebook status's about the Seahawks parade. I swear EVERY SINGLE person I know that lives in a 50 mile radius of Seattle was at the parade. The combination of feeling physically crummy and emotionally home-sick was too much. So I sat at my computer with tears streaming down my face.

The guy to my right and the women to my left kept staring at me (rightfully so) but jeez...they could have been a little more stealth...and perhaps asked if I was OK!

But its OK because I woke up this morning refreshed and renewed! The home-sickness has vanished for now. But as much as I LOVE the Seahawks there is still resentment bubbling deep down...why did they have to win the super bowl the one year I'm out of town?!? JERKS! (but not you ET, I will still gladly marry you!)

confirmation

Lately I've realized my reliance on and need for confirmation.
I want and need assurance before I move forward with a plan, purchase, experience. Will this fit? Will she show up? Is it gonna be fun?

As I was mulling over it today I thought back to my latest mix up with my airlines as I tried to get back to Nashville for my car.I had booked a flight  but the second leg, from chicago to Nashville, was cancelled. I didn't want to sit at the airport and wait for the next available flight so I started re-booking my trip.

I tried calling the airline (I kid you not) at least 17 times. I wanted to buy a new ticket but I wanted to hear that A. I could be reimbursed for one of my tickets and B. confirm that the cancelled leg was in fact cancelled...maybe even get an ETA on when they thought the next available flight would be.
So what did I do when I couldn't get a hold of the airlines? nothing!
I sat paralyzed...not moving one way or the other. You think that's the safe move (or lack of movement) but there are consequences...like waiting too long and having your plane ticket practically double in price.

I grew more frustrated and more anxious with each passing minute. If someone would just tell me..."YES" or "NO" then I could pick a side and stick to it. I think part of it ownership. If I make the decision and it sucks then I can only blame myself. If someone else tells me what to do and it sucks, it's their fault.

But here's the catch 22...I think often both or all choices that can be made will have an element of 'suck.' There are no answers that are 100% yes. (I've been learning that when you say YES to something you are automatically saying NO to something else...ALWAYS).

So I guess what I want to work on believing and leaning into is that following God doesn't take away the suck, it gives you courage to make a decision, to take ownership, to MOVE! I don't want to be paralyzed by fear or anxiety, but I sure as hell don't want to sit here avoiding it...rackin up plane fairs.