confirmation

Lately I've realized my reliance on and need for confirmation.
I want and need assurance before I move forward with a plan, purchase, experience. Will this fit? Will she show up? Is it gonna be fun?

As I was mulling over it today I thought back to my latest mix up with my airlines as I tried to get back to Nashville for my car.I had booked a flight  but the second leg, from chicago to Nashville, was cancelled. I didn't want to sit at the airport and wait for the next available flight so I started re-booking my trip.

I tried calling the airline (I kid you not) at least 17 times. I wanted to buy a new ticket but I wanted to hear that A. I could be reimbursed for one of my tickets and B. confirm that the cancelled leg was in fact cancelled...maybe even get an ETA on when they thought the next available flight would be.
So what did I do when I couldn't get a hold of the airlines? nothing!
I sat paralyzed...not moving one way or the other. You think that's the safe move (or lack of movement) but there are consequences...like waiting too long and having your plane ticket practically double in price.

I grew more frustrated and more anxious with each passing minute. If someone would just tell me..."YES" or "NO" then I could pick a side and stick to it. I think part of it ownership. If I make the decision and it sucks then I can only blame myself. If someone else tells me what to do and it sucks, it's their fault.

But here's the catch 22...I think often both or all choices that can be made will have an element of 'suck.' There are no answers that are 100% yes. (I've been learning that when you say YES to something you are automatically saying NO to something else...ALWAYS).

So I guess what I want to work on believing and leaning into is that following God doesn't take away the suck, it gives you courage to make a decision, to take ownership, to MOVE! I don't want to be paralyzed by fear or anxiety, but I sure as hell don't want to sit here avoiding it...rackin up plane fairs.